


It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday

by politics_and_prose



Category: Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: F/M, M/M, Mentions of spousal death, Modern Era
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-01-24 06:02:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18565411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/politics_and_prose/pseuds/politics_and_prose
Summary: At 25, Sadie (Conlon) Ellis moves back home as a widow and a single mother.





	1. Just a Dream

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my newest adventure. I was listening to the Bandstand soundtrack today and this kind of started jamming up my brain. This first chapter is VERY different from anything I've ever written. The story will be in my normal style. This is mostly just flashes of Sadie's memory that sets the stage for the work going forward. Thanks for reading!

_"It takes strength to make your way through grief, to grab hold of life and let it pull you forward." - Patti Davis, daughter of Pres. Ronald Reagan_

* * *

 

**One.**

“Get up.” Laughter. Smiles. 

“Not yet, babe. Ya gotta let me …” A deeper laugh. Nervous but excited.

 “Danny!”

“Will you marry me?”

More laughter, not the sob she had envisioned when she pictured this moment a thousand times since she turned 16.

“Yes.” 

 

**Two.**

“I’m sorry, babe, but we have to move the wedding. I got my orders.” 

A nod. “How much time?”

“Six weeks.”

“We can work with that.”

 

**Three.**

_Dear Danny,_

 

_I tried to tell this to your face when we Skyped last night but the connection dropped before I could. I found out last week._

_You’re going to be a daddy._

_I love you. Talk to you soon._

 

_All my love,_

_Sadie_

 

**Four.**

“She’s perfect.”

“She looks like you.”

“A little darker skin.” Smile, tired but elated. “Beautiful.”

 

**Five.**

“San Diego agrees with you.”

Eyes closed, smiling at the warm breeze. “Only one better place in the world.” 

“You and Brooklyn.” Laughter. “We’ll go visit your brother soon. The wedding is coming up, right?" 

“A couple months. The Corps better not give you orders before _this_ one. I am _not_ flying across the country with a two year old on my own. Especially one who’s just like …”

“You?”

“Shut up.” Laughter and a kiss.

 

**Six.**

_“He got orders again?”_

“Yeah. But I’ve got the other spouses here to help out with Lena. And she’s old enough to play at daycare now so she’ll tire out while I work. The hospital’s been really good about only keeping me on days.” 

_“You know, if you moved back home, you’d have built-in babysitters.”_

“You’re a cop. Your hours are as bad as mine.”

_“Yeah but Tony’s a dance teacher. Much more flexible and he can take her to work with him.”_

“Figure a way to get Danny a PCS to – where the hell is the closest base that has Marines in Brooklyn?”

_“Donno. But we’ll figure it out.”_

 

**Seven.**

“Hi, Daddy!”

“Hi, Pumpkin. How’s your birthday been?”

“Good but I miss you.”

“I miss you too, baby girl. Did you open all your presents?”

“Uh huh! Mommy got me a _puppy_!”

Wide eyes. “She-she did?”

“He’s a plushie but it’s just as good.” 

Laughter. “I’m glad you like the puppy.” Static. “Baby, Daddy has to go.”

“No! It’s my birthday!”

“I’m sorry, Lena Joy. Daddy’ll call soon. I love you." 

Mumbled. “Love you too.”

“We both do.  Write us.”

 

**Eight.**

One man, one woman (a chaplain) in uniform.

"The commandant of the Marine Corps has entrusted me to express his deep regret that your husband, Daniel was killed in action in Zabul province, Afghanistan on 30 March. His unit was ambushed as they were traveling through the province. The commandant extends his deepest sympathy to you and your family in your loss."

 

**Nine.**

“Sean? He-he’s gone.”

_“Goddamit. Me and Tony will be there as soon as we can get there.”_

“I don’t know how to tell Lena.”

 

**Ten.**

“My daddy died.”

“I know." 

“We have to go to Armingtin.”

“Arlington. I know. Me and Uncle Sean will go with you.”

“Mommy cries a lot now.”

Nod. “Yeah, kiddo. But she won’t always.”

“Okay.”

 

**Eleven.**

Marines, Naval officers. Dress uniforms.

Civilians. Government officials. Seas of black.

A casket with an American Flag.

Seven Marines with guns. One shot. Two shots. Three shots.

A folded up flag. A salute.

A Gold Star Wife.  A Gold Star Daughter.  A Gold Star Family.

 

**Twelve.**

_“Move back home, Sadie. Me and Tony have the room.”_

“You have a life.”

_“You’re family. Come home.”_

“I’ll think about it.”

 

**Thirteen.**

“Our flight is at 7:30. We should land around 4.”

_“I’ll be there.”_

“You don’t have to work?”

_“Sade. I’ll be there.”_

 

**Fourteen.**

A hug. Long. Tears. Whispers. “I don’t know what to do.”

“You move forward.”

“I don’t know if I can.”

“You don’t have to do it alone.”

 

 


	2. Every Day is a Winding Road

“Sean? Sean! Have you seen my other shoe? I need to get Lena to school!” 

“He’s not home yet,” Tony responded, walking into her room, her sneaker hanging off his index finger. “Got stuck doing paperwork on some idiot who tried to rob the station. He’s pissed, so make sure you text him with the emoji that’s crying laughing because it’ll tick him off even more.”

“You’re mean,” she replied, stealing the shoe and kissing her brother-in-law on the cheek. “I love it. Lena! You better have your backpack packed!”

“Jesus,” Tony whined, “you’re loud.” 

“I’m a mother,” she retorted with a snort as they headed out to the kitchen area, “so I’m either whispering or shouting. You’d think you’d be used to is by now.”

“You’ve only been here a couple – who the fu-“ Lena scooted into the room with an open backpack. “Fukushima is knocking at seven in the morning?”

“Fukushima?” Sadie laughed as Tony turned and headed for the front door of the apartment. “You couldn’t think of fudge?”

Tony shot her a look and stuck his tongue out at her. “Feed the kid or somethin’, would ya?”

Sadie grinned and set about getting Lena to take a bite of her muffin. “We’re gonna have to take this to go, Pumpkin.”

“’Cause you couldn’t find your shoe?”

“Yeah. Still getting used to Uncle Sean’s apartment.”

“Hey!” Tony let the knocker in and looked over at the girls. “It’s my apartment too.”

“Yes but saying _Uncle Sean and Uncle Tony’s apartment_ takes time that I just don’t have this morning so I said Sean because his name has less syllables.”

“That probably took more time to say than _shut up_ ,” the guy who Tony let in said with a grin.

Sadie looked up from where she was rooting through her daughter’s bag to make sure she had everything she needed for her show and tell in kindergarten that day. He was tall, though slightly shorter than Tony, with dark hair and eyes, and a little smirk.

“Sadie, Lena, this is Jack.”

“He’s on trash cans.”

“Lena!” Sadie admonished.

“No,” Jack chuckled, “it’s okay. I’m sure there are posters on trash cans over here.”

“Posters?” she asked, curious but only half listening as she zipped up Lena’s backpack and jiggled it so the girl would stand and slide it on.

“I’m an actor. Off-Broadway.”

“Oh,” she replied with a nod. “That’s cool. C’mon, kiddo. We gotta get going.”

“Bye Uncle Tony. Bye Mr. Trash Can.”

Tony cracked up laughing, which caused Lena to giggle as she took off out the front door.

“I’m sorry, Jack,” Sadie said, fighting back a smile of her own. “Kids, you know?”

Without waiting for a response, Sadie grabbed her apartment keys as she slipped out the front door and followed Lena to the stairs. “Mr. Trash Can?” she asked her daughter when she caught up. “That wasn’t very nice.”

Lena shrugged. “I could go back and say sorry but then I’ll be late for school.”

“I – okay, you planned that and while I’m impressed, you’re still going to have to apologize. You can write a note to Jack – I should really find out his last name – and we’ll have Uncle Tony give it to him another time.”

Lena sighed. “Okay. But look!” They stepped out of the building and onto the sidewalk, Lena gesturing to a trash can down the road. “Mr. Trash Can.”

“Mr. Jack … Kelly,” she said as they got close enough for her to read it. “You’ll write an apology to Mr. Kelly when you get home from school.”

“Is Uncle Sean picking me up today?”

“Yeah, Mommy has class this afternoon.”

“It’s weird that you gotta go to class again ‘cause you’re already a nurse,” Lena remarked with a sigh as she grabbed her mother’s hand and started skipping.

“I agree. But it’ll only be a couple months before Mommy’s ready to go back to work again,” Sadie promised. “But you’ll have Uncle Sean and Uncle Tony to help out when I do.”

“Okay. I like living with them. They’re funny.”

Sadie had to admire the resilience of her daughter. Danny hadn’t been gone for very long, a mere three months, but Lena seemed to have gone through her grief period and started adjusting to their new life a lot quicker than Sadie had.

Brooklyn has always been home for her, but she was beyond reluctant to leave San Diego after Danny’s death. Part of her felt like it was the last piece of him that she had left. Sure, she wore his ring and kept his last name, and she certainly had Lena, but San Diego was where they’d built their life and she didn’t want to give it up.

They would have had their friends if she’d stayed, but they couldn’t have lived on base any longer. Home in Brooklyn, she had set housing and her family. It was really no choice once she’d sat down and gone through the pros and cons of both places. Plus, she figured she would never be able to move on if she stayed in San Diego.

Twisting her wedding ring around her finger, she nodded. “I like living with them too.”

\-- 

“So … who’s the girl?”

“Spot’s sister,” Race replied with a sigh. “Her husband just died. Or, I guess was killed. He’s – he was – a Marine.”

Jack nodded, his lips turning down into a frown. “That sucks. Gotta admit, though, it took me a second to figure out who the hell Uncle Sean and Uncle Tony were. When was the last time yous two went by your given names?” 

“Yeah, took me a bit once they got here. But their whole world got flipped upside down and we don’t need to add a bunch of rejects with nicknames to the list of things they gotta deal with. I’m sure they’ll earn their own nicknames in time. Though,” he continued, a grin slipping onto his face, “I think you got a new one now, dontcha?”

Jack’s face fell. “Race, no.”

Race pulled out his phone and started typing, twisting to keep Jack from seeing what he was doing. When there was a ding from Jack’s pants pocket, Race threw his head back and laughed.

“I can’t believe you just told the whole gang to call me Mr. Trash Can.”

“Yes you can,” Race laughed. “You definitely can.”

“Okay,” Jack conceded, “I really can.”

“Lemme get my shit and we can head to the studio. What’re we workin’ on today?”

“Tap, I think,” Jack said as he rubbed the back of his neck. “If I’m gonna audition, I need to be at least a little good at all of the dances they could throw at me.”

“Ambitious, going for _Singin’ in the Rain_ when you’re a shitty dancer.”

“Y’know, when Davey says things like that, he says it nicer,” Jack said, pouting slightly.

“Davey’s a lawyer. He’s good at bullshitting and saying things in a way that makes the person he’s saying things to not know he’s insulted them. And don’t even go there with Les. He definitely thinks you’re, like, a god or something. It’s gross,” Race concluded, nodding in agreement with himself. “Now grab a couple bottles of water and throw them in your bag. I don’t think I have any at the studio.”

“You really need to either do some damn shopping or hire someone to do things like that,” Jack called after his friend.

“My kids know damn well they better bring their own Evian or whatever the rich folks in the UES drink when they’re _parched_ ,” Race replied as he reentered the room. “If not, they gotta drink out of the fountain. Pretty sure one mom tried to sue me for making her daughter drink _disgusting, New York water_. Good thing I put it in the contract.” He wiggled his eyebrows as he slung his bag over his shoulder.

“You mean it’s a good thing Dave went through a check list with you even though he was studying for the Bar when you were writin’ the stupid thing up.”

“Whatever. Potato, friend-with-a-law-degree, same thing.”

Jack shook his head and laughed. “He’s gonna meet us with Mush, Specs and Kat for dinner at Jacobi’s tonight. If Spot’s up, drag him along too. Ain’t seen ‘em in ages.”

Race nodded and grabbed his keys, motioning to the door. “Sure. Maybe bring Sadie and Lena along too,” he added. “So they don’t gotta worry about cookin’. Think Sade has class ‘til 4:30 and Spot’ll have the munchkin ‘til she gets home anyhow so we might as well just have her meet us.”

Jack shrugged. “Whatever. I’m sure the others won’t mind. I’ll text Dave and have him let Sarah know she can come too. Get Sadie some girl friends in town since I know you and Spot ain’t really the consolin’ type and she might, y’know, need it?”

“My husband is a different person with his sister around,” Race answered as he locked the apartment door behind them. “He took unpaid leave so we could fly to South Carolina so we could be at their wedding. They had to move it up because Dan got his papers or whatever deploying him and he was gonna be gone when they were supposed to get married. Really, when you see him with her, you’re gonna see Sean, not Spot. It’s fuckin’ crazy.”

Jack narrowed his eyes and searched Race’s face. “It totally turns you on, doesn’t it?” he accused.

Race just grinned and lifted his shoulders in a shrug. “I got a hot cop husband with a soft side for his baby sister. You’re goddamn right it turns me on.”

Jack mimed gagging and Race laughed as they made their way towards the subway. 

\--

“She’s on her way,” Spot said as he got Lena settled and put her lemonade in front of her. “Train was delayed.”

“Surprise, surprise,” Mush muttered.

“Dave too,” Jack added. “He’s comin’ in from Les’ baseball game. Kid popped another over the fence. Was actually a single shy of the cycle.”

“Maybe your shitty Mets should sign him,” Sarah grinned as she popped a piece of bread into her mouth.

“Who even _plays_ for the Yankees anymore?” Jack shot back.

“Children,” Katherine spoke up, a grin on her lips. “No sportsball fighting at dinner. Save it for after, when we know the scores of the games and you can use that as ammo too.” 

“See?” Jack grinned, “I knew I loved this girl.”

Katherine rolled her eyes but obligingly pecked Jack on his offered cheek. “Have you read my latest piece?”

Jack’s eyes went wide but he nodded, clearly about to lie. “Totally. Great writing. S’why you’re the best.”

“I should arrest your dumbass for being such a shi-uh, shippy liar. I thought you were an _actor_ ,” Spot interjected, stopping Katherine from laying into Jack and stopping Jack from digging himself a deeper hole with her. “Ain’t actors supposed to be able to pretend?”

“Shut up,” Jack shot back. “I can _act_ , I can’t _lie_.” A murmur of agreement went up from the table. “You guys suck.”

“Lying is bad.” Everyone turned their attention to the _five and three quarters_ year old that was sat between her uncle and Sarah. “My daddy always said that liars have a special place in hockey.”

Mush frowned. “A special place in hockey?” he questioned, looking to Spot for clarification.

“H-e-double hockey sticks,” he supplied.

“Yeah! I always just remember the hockey part,” Lena agreed. “Uncle Sean, does this place have crayons?”

Spot looked around, scratching at his cheek. “Uh, I donno, LJ. Want me to go ask?”

“No, Uncle Tony can do it.” She turned to his husband, brown eyes wide and innocent. “Please, Uncle Tony?”

That was all it took for the others to grin and join in, their voices various octaves asking _please Uncle Tony_? Spot saw him turn her left arm behind his back and could only imagine he was flipping off their friends where the little one couldn’t see.

“So, Lena, is this your first time in New York?” Kat asked as she leaned a little closer to the girl so she didn’t have to raise her voice. 

“No, we came for Uncle Sean’s wedding to Uncle Tony. I was too little to remember though ‘cause I was just two. Mommy said I liked it though. Daddy always said that Mommy’s heart lived here and when he was done with work we were gonna come live here.” She got quiet and Spot reached over to take her smaller hand in his. Lena looked up at him and he could see the tears in her eyes. “I thought he was gonna come with us though.”

“I know, kiddo. I did too.”

The table grew quiet for a minute before Lena turned back and looked at Mush. “Why did your mom name you Mush?”

The tension was broken and he couldn’t help but laugh at the way his niece was able to both make the room heavy and then lift it up again.

Mush, for his part, grinned. “She didn’t. Your Uncle Sean started calling me Mush and it stuck.”

Lena looked up at him with a frown. “Why’d you call him that?”

“’Cause he likes mushy movies and whenever it’s his turn to pick, he makes us watch one.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with romance,” Mush shot back. “As the only married person in our group, you should know that.”

“He just wants to find true love,” Specs added, nudging their friend with his shoulder. “Or have true love give him the time of day.”

“Shut up!” Mush hissed, eyes flipping over to an oblivious Sarah before relaxing a bit and taking a pull from his beer. “Nothing wrong with wanting love and all that stuff that Spot and Race have.”

“Here here,” Kat said as she raised her glass. “To love.”

“No,” Jack said, shaking his head. “Not toasting to love. That’s weird, considering we’re all a bunch of single twenty-somethings.”

Specs shrugged and clinked his glass against Katherine’s, as did Sarah and Mush. “Guess you’re the weird one now.”

“Who’s weird and why?” Race asked as he came back to the table, sliding a box of crayons to Lena and then kissing him on the lips on the way to his seat. “Aside from Jack, obviously.” 

“You mean Mr. Trash Can?” Spot grinned. “Yeah, he’s the weird one here.”

“Yous guys are mean. Now you can’t come to my opening night once I get the role,” Jack replied, sitting back in his seat and pouting.

Spot rolled his eyes and looked at his watch. “Jeez. Specs, you needa run for Governor or Mayor or whatever and get the MTA fixed. Jacobi’s is gonna close before Dave and Sadie get here.”

\--

David let out a long breath as he stood in the crowded subway car. He cursed his little brother for actually liking baseball and being good at it. Playing at Adelphi was convenient, since it was an easy trip out to Garden City but getting back into Manhattan was hell, especially when he was trying to get to his bi-weekly Friday dinner with his friends.

The car lurched and he was jolted into a short woman who was crammed in beside him. “I’m so sorry,” he apologized. “I thought I was more stable.”

“It’s okay,” she replied, looking up at him. “I’m still getting a hang of this new awful subway thing anyway, so I can’t say if you even did anything to apologize for.”

“New in town?” David asked with a smile. “It’s kind of like being tossed into the deep end of the pool when you’re trying to learn to swim. Sometimes someone will help you float and sometimes –“

“You’ve got to figure it out on your own?” she laughed. “I’ve done the whole MTA thing before but it’s gotten really bad in the last few years since I left. I grew up here – in Brooklyn, I mean. I left when I turned 18.”

“Had to get out?” David asked curiously.

“Nah, I got engaged and my fiancé was a Marine. Young love, you know? He went to Parris Island, I followed and got a really crappy apartment, started nursing school. Got lucky when he was actually stationed in Lejune so I could keep going to school. We were planning on coming back when he got out anyway.”

David glanced discreetly at her finger and saw the gold band resting there. “When did he finish his service?”

The young woman looked down and David was immediately hit with the feeling that he’d stepped on a land mine. “Uh, a little less than three months ago,” she said with a nod. “30 March.”

David nodded, figuring he probably shouldn’t keep going with their current conversation. He was a lawyer and naturally inquisitive by nature, but the look on this woman’s face told him anything more and he would have to try to console a crying woman in the middle of a packed subway car and he really wasn’t equipped for that tonight. “My friend is into politics,” he said, changing the subject. “We’re trying to convince him to run for something that would let him fix the subway. He’s pretty reluctant but my friends and I are going to bug the crap out of him until he does. Because that’s what friends do.”

The woman laughed, turning slightly to try to hide the fact that she was wiping away a tear, and then smiled up at him. “Well, if he’s gonna do it, he’s got my vote. And the vote of my brother and brother-in-law, if I can help it.”

“I’m sure he’d appreciate that,” David grinned. “Oh, I’m David, by the way. Jacobs. David Jacobs,” he offered his hand to her as the train came to a stop at another station. Only two more stops.

“Sadie Ellis,” she said with a smile, taking his hand and shaking it. “Nice to meet you.”

“So, you’re a nurse?” he asked conversationally. “Private practice or hospital?”

“Well, since New York isn’t part of the compact, I’m actually a nurse in California and I have to complete a couple of courses before I can get my RN status here. So right now I’m a student. Should be able to finish by the end of the summer though. I miss being able to work. It used to be a place where I could just … do what I was doing and not think about anything else, you know? I could really use that right now." 

David wanted to ask, he truly did, but he felt himself getting invested in this stranger’s life and he didn’t want to be left with a lot of questions unanswered. Still: “I’m guessing you’re in New York and your husband isn’t?”

Sadie shook her head slightly. “He’s not. He’s in – he’s in Virginia.”

Swallowing, his stomach sinking, David couldn’t help but ask, “What city?”

“Arlington,” she breathed, her voice soft and pained.

Being bolder than he would have expected, he moved his hand to cover hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry.”

A sad smile twitched at her lips and she nodded.   “Thank you.”

David looked up as the train pulled into the station for Chambers Street. He shifted so some of the people around them could get off, opening up a bench spot. “You wanna sit?” he asked her.

“No, thank you,” she refused politely. “I’m getting off at the next stop.” She paused. “City Hall _is_ the next stop, right?”

David nodded. “Yeah. I’m actually getting off there too. Meeting my friends for dinner. We do it a couple times a month so we don’t, y’know, lose touch or something. Can’t be sure what Mush said but …” He trailed off with a _what can you do?_ shrug and a smile.

“I’m meeting my brother for dinner. Well, him and his friends. I haven’t really met any of them yet. I’ve been back a few weeks but it’s just been … a lot.”

“Understandable,” he sympathized. “Do you know where you’re going?”

She shook her head and pulled out her phone, obviously scanning through her text messages for the one that would tell her the place. Hopefully he knew it and would be able to direct her easily. The last thing this woman needed was to be lost on a Friday night in Manhattan. “Uh, it’s called Jacobi’s. Heard of it?”

David laughed and nodded. “I have. It’s actually where I’m headed.” He paused. “You’re – you’re meeting your brother?”

“Mhm,” she agreed. “And his friends.”

“What’s his name?” David was ninety percent sure he knew her brother’s name but it was better to be safe than sorry.

“Sean Conlon,” Sadie answered. She hesitated a second, a furrow in her brow, before she asked, “Is that one of the friends you’re meeting?”

“It is,” he agreed as the train stopped at City Hall Station. “Mind if I escort you?”

She hesitated for a split second before nodding. “Sure. Of course. Makes sense since you, y’know, know where you’re going and all.”

When the train doors opened, David motioned for her to step ahead of him. Adjusting his bag across his shoulders, he joined her and they headed for the escalators. “Did Sp – uh, Sean give you the run down on who’s going to be there?” he asked.

Sadie shook her head. “Tony said it would be him, Sean, the guy Jack who showed up this morning and a couple other folks, but no names. Probably because I wouldn’t know any of them anyway.”

“Well, from what I know, it’s going to be Sean, uh, Tony, Jack, Sarah, who’s my sister, Kat …” He quickly ran through his mental database for his friends’ given names. “Mike and Hank, I think. Not sure if anyone else is gonna find their way over. Maybe Henry or Elmer or Patrick. None of them mentioned coming though.”

“You’ve got a lot of friends,” she said a little breathlessly, and it made him feel bad because he was pretty sure he’d just overwhelmed her.

“Yeah, I guess,” he agreed, “but they’re all good guys. And gals.” 

Sadie nodded and came to a stop outside of Jacobi’s front window. “Smells good,” she said nervously.

“The best in the city,” he agreed. “Ya need a minute?”

She took another deep breath before shaking her head. “No, I should get in there. I’m sure either my brother or my daughter needs rescuing right about now.”

David chuckled and pulled the door open, nodding towards the right. “We get a big table in the side room. Go ahead back. Want me to grab you a drink?”

“Water’s good,” she smiled, “thank you.”

David nodded once and watched her walk off towards his friends before shaking his head and going to find their usual waiter to let him know to bring a glass of water and a beer over to their table.

Taking a breath, he made his way towards the group, pausing briefly to watch as Sadie nearly seamlessly blended into their ragtag bunch of friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for dropping in and sticking with me. This one turned out to be longer than I expected it to, but I'm not complaining. Let me know what you think! Thank you!


	3. We're Going to be Friends

_“I can’t believe you’re back in Brooklyn. I think you’ve lost your tan already and it’s almost summer.”_

_“Yeah, but it’s home. It’s – I’m close to you here. We met in Brooklyn. And I have help. The boys have been incredible.”_

_“Who would’ve thought that Sean and Tony would be willing to play house?”_

_“They go by Spot and Race now. Don’t ask me why. I have no idea. But almost all of their friends have nicknames. It’s strange but endearing. There’s Spot and Race, like I said. Then there’s Specs – you’d like him, I think. And there’s Mush and Jack and David. Sometimes they call David Davey, sometimes they call him Mouth, which I don’t get, and they call Jack Cowboy … but your daughter has another name for him.”_

_“Oh?”_

_“Mr. Trash Can.”_

_“Tr-Trash Can? How in the world?”_

_“He’s an actor and I guess he’s on a couple of marquees and, y’know, trash cans. One isn’t too far from our place. I mean Sean and Tony’s place.”_

_“That’s our girl.”_

_“He didn’t seem to mind and I think his friends are picking it up too. I’m so embarrassed, but I can’t help but laugh too.”_

_“She’s a lot like you.”_

_“She’s a lot like you, too. She’s so smart and determined. She stepped into her new school just a couple weeks before it ended and she still did well. She’ll be able to start first grade in the fall.”_

_“Wow. We have a kid in a grade with a number. I think we’re old.”_

_“We still look good though.”_

_“You’re always gonna look twenty to me. Wedding dress, happy smile, Converse sneakers …”_

_“Shut up. I was comfortable. And at least they were white!”_

_“Heaven forbid they be black.”_

_“Shut up.”_

_“Have you talked to my parents lately?”_

_“Yeah, they’re taking Lena upstate. They want me and Lena to move in with them. They don’t understand why I want to be with Sean and Tony. They also think the boys are going to be a bad influence on them.”_

_“They are. I’m cool with that.”_

_“I miss you.”_

_“I know. I’m still here though.”_

_“Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. Sometimes it feels like I’m alone and I’ll never see you again.”_

_“You’re seeing me right now.”_

_“Yeah, but this isn’t real.”_

Sadie woke with the image of her husband’s sad smile burned onto the back of her eyelids. Dreaming about him was nothing new, but with each passing dream, it felt more like they were meeting and less like she was making the whole thing up subconsciously. It was probably very unhealthy but she didn’t want it to stop. Talking to Daniel was like a balm to her fractured soul. She missed him, painfully so, and she would take whatever she could get.

“Hey, Sadie?”

She sat up in bed to see Sean poking his head into the room she shared with Lena. She glanced over to see her daughter’s bed empty and her pajamas neatly folded on the end of it. Something else she obviously got from her father.

Shoving her hand through her knotted hair, she yawned and spoke. “Sorry. Yeah. What’s up? LJ bugging you?”

“Uh, Jackson and Gretchen are here. They said they’re going to be taking Lena for the weekend?”

Groaning, Sadie pushed herself out of bed and shrugged on her bathrobe. “Yeah, they’re going upstate to their cabin and they want to take her with them. Since school’s out for her, I think it’s a good idea. She gets to spend time with them and I don’t need to bug you guys to entertain her while I’m in class.” 

“You know me and Tony don’t’ mind …”

“I know,” she reassured her brother, squeezing his arm as she passed. “And I love you guys for that.”

Making her way into the living room, she smiled at her daughter, who was sitting on the couch with her grandparents, happily chatting with them about how much fun she has when Mr. Trash Can comes over.

“And he doesn’t talk to me like I’m a baby! And he makes good sundaes.”

“He made quite the impression on her,” Sadie said with a smile, making her presence known. “Good morning, Jackson, Gretchen. I’m sorry I overslept.”

“Being a single mother can’t be easy,” her mother-in-law responded. “You look like you could use a few more hours of rest. It’s a good thing we’re sweeping this little munchkin away for a few days, isn’t it, Sweet Pea?”

“I’m excited!” Lena declared with a wide smile.

Sadie’s own smile was tight. She could usually convince herself that Gretchen meant nothing by the snipe, but it wasn’t so easy when she’d woken up just a few minutes before. “Do you have everything packed?” she asked her daughter.

“Yup! Even my toothbrush and toothpaste and comb!”

“Good.” She stepped over to the counter that separated the kitchen and living room and poured a cup of coffee for herself. “What time do you need to be hitting the road?”

“We should probably be heading out now if we want to make it out of the city before we stop for breakfast,” Jackson answered as he stood from the couch. “Are my girls ready to go?”

Lena squeaked an answer as she jumped up from her seat, and Gretchen stood as gracefully as she always had. “We are,” she answered, smiling at her husband and granddaughter.

“Come give me and Uncle Sean a kiss,” Sadie requested, banding to lift her daughter into her arms. “You be good for Grandma and Granddad, yeah?”

“Cross my heart,” Lena promised, leaning in to kiss her mother on the cheek and receive one in return before reaching out for her uncle. “Bye, Uncle Sean. Tell Uncle Tony and Mr. Trash Can that I’m gonna miss ‘em while I’m having fun and they’re at boring work.”

Sean chuckled and kissed her on the forehead. “Will do, LJ. Have fun.”

Sadie watched as Lena took Jackson’s hand and headed for the door. She paused to wave and blow kisses back to the two of them before she disappeared and the door shut behind them.

“I always feel like I’m being judged when I’m around your in-laws,” Sean said as he flopped down onto the couch. 

“You are,” Sadie agreed, joining him. “I am too. Only Daniel never got judged. And now Lena. I think she could probably burn down their cabin and they’d find a way to praise her for it. Don’t get me wrong, I love that they love her, but it’s gonna be a pain in the ass to get her to take responsibility once she gets back home.”

“Nah,” Sean replied, stealing her coffee and taking a sip. “She knows the rules. If she wants to go to dance with Race, she’s gotta behave.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you guys,” Sadie replied seriously after a moment. “Really. Ever since, y’know, you’ve been … life savers.”

“We’re family,” her brother replied easily. “If something happened to Tony, I know you would do the same. Except I woulda made you an’ the munchkin come here and D could visit because you ain’t ever gettin’ me outa Brooklyn.”

Sadie laughed and shook her head. “The situation sucks and I still feel like I’m either gonna barf or cry so hard a pass out sometimes, but it really does feel good to be home. Even if it’s not as beautiful as San Diego.”

“Fuck you, the East River is much prettier than the stupid Pacific Ocean.”

“You’re a moron.” Her brother snorted indignantly. “An adorable moron, but a moron nonetheless.”

“Shut up. Coming to Jacobi’s after class?” 

“Yeah, sure. Sarah’s been on me about scheduling a day to go out with just her and Katherine so it’ll be a good time to plan that,” she replied with a shrug. “Your friends are pretty great.”

“Yeah, I don’t hang out with losers aside from you,” Sean replied with a grin.

“You’re a mean big brother. I think I like Tony better.”

“He’s not older than you, so go ahead, but I’m all you got unless you wanna claim one of my friends instead.”

Sadie frowned, considering before she shook her head. “Nah. Devil you know and all that.”

Sean nodded and then patted her on the leg. “I’m gonna head out. I got some errands to run and I need to go see Kath about a story she’s workin’ on. What time d’you think you’re gonna head out?”

She shrugged and took another sip from her coffee. “I’ll probably head out around 11, just to make sure I get there by 1. I just wish I didn’t have to take these classes,” she yawned. “I want to be back at work.”

Her brother stood and headed for the door to grab his shoes. “I know. But, hey, at least you’ve got some time between folks barfin’ on ya.”

“I’m a mother. That’s _never_ guaranteed, regardless of whether I’m working or not. I’ll see you tonight, yeah?”

“Yup. They hold our table starting at five but, y’know, whenever. Maybe you’ll run into Mouth again,” he offered. “Sos you don’t gotta walk alone.”

“Maybe,” she shrugged. “Sarah didn’t mention if Les had a game though so I’m not sure. He works in Manhattan, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah. Still might end up on the same train. Ya did the first time.”

Sadie nodded and waved to her brother as he headed out, locking the door behind him. It was the first time she was really, truly alone since moving back to New York and she had to admit, she didn’t like the quiet. New York was a noisy city, somewhere she could get lost if she needed to.

Deciding she needed to, she finished her coffee and changed into some shorts and a t-shirt shirt. It had been a while since she put in her ear buds and got a good, solid run in. She had a few hours before she needed to leave for school and this was the perfect way to fill the time.

\--

“Of all the gin joints in all the world, you had ta walk into mine.”

Jack grinned as Sadie looked up from her phone as she walked through the door to Jacobi’s. He and Finch were the first ones there, Sadie arriving next. 

“Hi, Jack,” she smiled, shaking her head a little.

“This is Finch,” he said, pointing to him since they hadn't met last time.

“Nice to meet you,” Sadie said as she shook his hand. “Sadie Ellis.”

“And how’d you end up hangin’ around with this guy?” Finch asked curiously.

“He showed up at my brother’s apartment a couple of weeks ago and my daughter called him Mr. Trash Can. I think we’re bonded for life because of it.”

Jack couldn’t help but laugh at that. Sadie, with all she’d been through recently, had a whip-quick sense of humor. It was admirable.

He thought she was a lot like Katherine, without the blind ambition or desire to rule the world. Sadie was a nurse, Race had told him, just going to school so she could continue to be a nurse in New York. He wasn’t sure why she had to do that, but he figured it was some stupid rule that made no sense. 

He figured at least studying or whatever got her mind off her dead husband though.

“Mr. Trash Can. So _that’s_ where that came from. Race just kept laughing whenever I asked how the new name came about. I can dig it. 

“You guys all suck,” Jack declared. “Not you,” he added when Sadie looked affronted. “You and the kiddo are cool. All the others? They suck.”

“Don’t talk about my personal life in public,” Race said with a grin and an eyebrow wiggle as he, Spot and Katherine came in next. He leaned in to kiss his sister-in-law on the cheek and then nodded to the side room. “We wanna get settled ‘fore the others get here?”

Jack greeted Spot and Kath and led the way to the table that Jacobi always set aside for them when they were coming in. “How’s the story comin’?”

Kath raised a hand and teetered it from side to side. “I’ve got something but I’m not going to use most of what I get from Spot unless I get two or more other sources.”

“That way you can quote _multiple_ sources when you write it?” he asked, genuinely curious. He’d known Katherine since college but he’d never really picked up on the little details of her work. It was interesting to a point but when she got talking, she could be as bad as Dave and his lawyer stuff.

“Exactly,” she answered before launching into one of those boring explanations. He turned to joke with Sadie about it since she sat beside him, but her attention was on Katherine. Blinking, he looked over to Spot, silently asking what the hell, and his friend just grinned and shrugged before striking up a conversation with Finch.

It wasn’t long before Dave, Sarah, Les, Mush, Specs and Romeo walked through the door.

“Hey, fellas,” he called, not correcting himself when Sarah shot him a look. He lived to drive her crazy. It was the least he could do as her favorite ex.

Sarah marched over, glaring at him, and took Sadie’s hand. “Come sit with the non-dipshits over here,” she said, leading a laughing Sadie over to sit with her and Katherine, pausing to introduce her to Les and Romeo.

“Hey,” Dave said as he slid down into Sadie’s vacated seat. “You hear anything about the audition yet?” 

“Nah,” Jack denied, shaking his head. “I’m not expectin’ for another week or so. And that’s only if I get the callback. Been workin’ with Race though so I feel like I’ll be ready if I do.”

Davey nodded and scanned the room. “Waitin’ on anyone else?”

“Don’t think so. We picked up three and lost one this week, but the one we lost is the kid so I’m not too sure if she counts.”

“Sure, why not?” he laughed. “The more the merrier.” He looked over to the women huddled together and shuddered. “I’m not sure that’s going to turn out well for any of us.” 

“You kiddin’? It’s terrible. They’re gonna take over the world. An’ when the little one grows up?” Jack whistled. “We’re all in trouble.”

\--

“Sadie, when was the last time you had a day to yourself?” Sarah asked the newest addition to their group.

Shrugging, Sadie shook her head. “Don’t know. Six years ago, maybe? Maybe seven, if we’re counting when Danny was in country and I was alone for more than a day of work for him.”

“I thought so,” Sarah nodded. “Do you have plans tomorrow? Or – I’m sorry. You have a daughter. “

Sadie shook her head. “Her grandparents took her upstate for the weekend. Though I won’t be surprised if I get a call on Sunday letting me know they’ve decided to stay longer and not to worry. They didn’t really get a lot of time together since we were on the west coast and they were here. My father-in-law is a surgeon and my mother-in-law is a school principal, so they didn’t really have a lot of time to come out to San Diego.”

“Are you close with them?” Kat asked interestedly.

“Not particularly. Danny was. He talked to them almost every day when he wasn’t deployed. He was an only child, y’know? He was the center of their world. They were _furious_ when he enlisted.”

When Sadie grew quiet, Sarah shared a look with Kat. This was the most they’d heard the woman talk about her husband, though they didn’t have much to compare it to. Sarah assumed it had to be hard to think about him, let alone share stories of him after losing him so recently. She reached out and put her hand over Sadie’s and Kat followed suit.

Another hand landed on top of Kat’s and they all looked up to see Les grinning. “Go Team on three?” he asked cheekily, earning himself a swat from Kat, who was closest.

It broke the tension, however, and the three women had a good chuckle.

“He’s something else,” Sadie laughed.

“He certainly seems to think so,” she replied, laughing harder when Kat shoved him away after he said something to her.

“Tell your little brother to stop practicing his pick up lines on me. They’re bad and he’s just embarrassing himself,” Kat said, laughter in her eyes. “He needs to stop looking to Romeo for pointers.”

“Hey!” the affronted mentor complained, “I’m _good_ at pointers. I got a date tomorrow night and everything.”

“With a girl?” Mush asked. 

“Yes!” Romeo shot back.

“A real one?” Spot asked, and the table dissolved into laughter, not even slightly worried about the pout that Romeo was sporting. It was familiar and comforting and things probably wouldn’t feel right if they weren’t needling at least one of the group.

“Yes, a real one! She’s a librarian!”

The whole table went silent before Finch put on his most serious tone and asked, “Does she know it’s a date or does she think you’re a middle schooler who needs tutoring?”

Everyone cracked up as the waiter came in to take their orders. 

\--

 Sadie had to admit that she enjoyed spending time with the women her brother had introduced her to. Sarah and Katherine were smart and funny and made her feel like she’d known them her whole life.

They decided to do a full spa day, packed with massages, mud baths, and mani/pedis. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been pampered this way and she worried that she would get used to it.

“Good,” Kat said when she mentioned her concern out loud. “That’s the plan.”

“I always wanted to do something like this,” she confided. “Some of the other wives invited me along but it never really felt right. Weird thing to say, I know, but it’s like … with them, I worried about what I would overhear.”

“How do you mean?” Sarah asked, shifting slightly in her bathtub.

“Affairs, mostly,” she admitted. “It wasn’t everyone and I don’t want it to seem like a generalization of military SOs, but I knew a few people who stepped out on their Marine. It drove me crazy, how brazen they were about it.” She shook her head. “I always believed if you don’t love the person you’re with, that’s okay, people change, y’know? But if you don’t love ‘em, don’t be with ‘em.”

“Yeah,” Kat agreed, “I get that. My friend, Bill, he’s the same. His dad had a girlfriend for, like, _years_. His mom knew and everything and she totally hated the woman but she didn’t do anything about it. Bill was mad for a long time about that.”

“I don’t get why, in today’s society with today’s norms, people bother with stuff like that. Affairs? That’s just – if you love more than one person, talk to them. There’s nothing wrong with polyamorous relationships. It’s 2019, for goodness sakes,” Sarah ranted.

She looked to Kat, who snorted. “This coming from the woman who won’t even _admire_ another person when she’s got a boyfriend?”

“We all operate in our own way,” she sniffed in response. “Just because _I_ don’t subscribe to that type of relationship doesn’t mean I don’t think others should be able to.”

“Progressive of you,” Kat rejoined with a smile and an eye roll.

“Have you two known each other long?” Sadie asked. They had such an interesting dynamic, like sisters and friends and partners-in-crime, and it had Sadie a little jealous; she’d never really had that kind of a friendship with anyone but her husband.

“We met in college when Jack and I started dating,” Sarah said. “So it’s been a few years.”

“I’m the one who convinced her Jack was an idiot,” Kat said with a proud grin.

“To be fair, you didn’t really have to _convince_ me of that.”

“Is Jack – is he not a good guy?” Sadie inquired curiously. He hadn’t seemed like a bad person to her but she didn’t know him very well at all.

“No, he is,” Kat assured her with a chuckle. “He’s just not right for Sarah. It takes a certain kind of person to be able to handle all of the attention Jack likes. He’s very – uh.” She looked to Sarah, who shrugged and tilted her head. “Tactile,” Kat decided. “And he flirts with everyone. Man, woman, whatever. So if you’re the jealous sort, dating Jack isn’t for you.” 

“Are you the jealous sort?” she asked Sarah curiously. “’Cause, I mean, you seem really cool about, like, _everything_.”

Sarah laughed. “I’m not now, but back then, I totally was. I didn’t have much experience and Jack was _super hot_. I got territorial and Kat got me out of something that could have ruined a lot of friendships if I’d stayed in. Jack and I are great friends now, and it’s better that way.”

Sadie nodded and relaxed back against the wall of the tub. “That’s good. He seems really nice. And he’s great when he’s around Lena. Not that she’s lacking for male role models, but there’s something about him that really appeals to her.”

“They have the same maturity level,” Kat offered, chuckling at herself.

“Bingo,” Sarah added with a laugh. “Got it in one.”

Sadie didn’t say anything, but she did smile. It didn’t really matter to her what it was that her daughter and her brother’s friend shared. She wanted Lena to be surrounded by as many people she could who loved her and if that included a mish mash of found family then that was just fine by her.


	4. Just Ain't Easy

“Are you sure you don’t mind?” Sadie asked for the fifteenth time as Lena smiled up at Jack as if she adored him. “I didn’t …”

“Sadie, seriously, me and Smalls’ll be fine,” Jack assured her with a grin. “Race’s gonna be home in, like, twenty minutes. I promise we won’t, like, burn the place down or whatever before he gets here. Won’t even make popcorn.”

Frowning, Sadie shoved her keys into her pocket. “I have my phone. Call if you need _anything_. I promise I’ll answer.”

“Momma!” Lena huffed. “Me and Mr. Trash Can are gonna be _fine_. You gotta go to _school_.”

Sadie must have recognized the truth in her daughter’s statement because she grabbed her brown paper bag with the sandwich Lena made her and jammed it into her backpack and slid her hospital credentials over her head. “I’ll be on the train for about half an hour, God willing. Call Uncle Sean if you need help and behave for Jack, okay?” 

“ _Okay_ ,” Lena said, her little voice more exasperated than any child he’d ever heard. Honestly, he was positive that’s what Spot probably sounded like when he was a kid. “Now you gotta go or you’re gonna be late.”

Sadie bent down and pressed a kiss to Lena’s cheek and then squeezed his arm for a brief second before rushing out the door. Jack waited for the door to shut and the lock to be engaged – he rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything about it – before he looked down at his little charge. “Want some popcorn?”

“Yeah!” Lena cheered, clapping and jumping up and down.

He was probably never going to be allowed to babysit again but it would totally be worth it.

An hour and a half later, Race walked in and Jack could feel him freeze without even having to look up from his drawing. He grinned over at Lena, who mirrored his expression.

“Hi, Uncle Race!” she cried, jumping up and running to him. “Mr. Jack is teaching me to draw real good! Wanna come see?”

“Uh, sure, kiddo,” Race said slowly. Jack watched as his friend’s eyes traveled around the room and took in all of the drawings taped to the walls. “Yous two sure been busy.”

“You were more than twenty minutes,” Lena replied. “I’m young and Mr. Jack didn’t want to take me out of the ‘partment ‘cause he thought Momma would call and when we didn’t answer she would freak out. Plus people would think he stealed me.”

Jack rolled his eyes. “No one would think I stole you.”

“Ya-huh. Cuz I’m too cute to be your kid and you’re too cute to me my manny.”

Jack narrowed his eyes as Race doubled over in laughter. His friend wheezed something out about wishing he’d been recording that so he could send it to all of their friends. 

“Yous guys are all so mean to me. Sadie’s the only one who isn’t. I’m only gonna hang out with her from now on,” Jack pouted.

Race smirked. “Just wanna hang out with Sadie, huh? Sounds like Cowboy …”

“I’mma stop you there,” Jack laughed. “Don’t be sayin’ things that’s gonna rile up _some people_ in the room.”

Race held his hands up in surrender and headed for the kitchen. “Anybody need a drink?”

Lena asked for juice and Jack shook his head. His mind wandered back to what Race had been implying and he couldn’t help but chuckle to himself. It was commonplace for their group of friends to needle each other when they were single. Any passing man or woman on the street was a potential partner according to Race. The number of smiling tourists that Race had claimed was the soul mate of Specs or Mush was staggering.

He was pretty sure Spot would kill him if he even considered looking at Sadie as anything other than a new friend anyway. And it wasn’t a big brother thing, not really. More, Jack thought, it was that Sadie had just lost her husband and Lena had just lost her father. They were both still grieving, he knew, and even if he _did_ think she was beautiful, it was something he was planning to keep to himself, for the time being, at least.

“Thinkin’ awful hard there, Mr. Trash Can,” Race said as he dropped to the floor beside him and grabbed paper and a crayon. “Hey, Smalls, wanna help me draw a picture for Uncle Sean?”

“No thank you,” she answered from the other side of the table. “I’m drawing a picture for Granddad and Grandma. They said they want me to come live with them but I like it here so I’m gonna draw a picture of me so they don’t get so lonely without me.”

Jack frowned and looked over at Race, who was shaking his head. “Sadie mentioned Dan’s folks were trying to get them to move in. She won’t, though,” he told Jack quietly. “It’s causing some tension between them.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier on you and Spot?” Jack asked, not pushing but interested. “I mean, this place isn’t really built for four.”

“Fudge easier,” Race answered hotly. “They’re family and they belong here. And the munchkin wants to stay here too, don’t ya, Smalls?”

“Mhm. I like it here. Though it kinda smells sometimes. But that’s okay. Daddy was smelly sometimes too. ‘Specially his boots.”

“Havin’ girls around in an adjustment,” Race grinned. “Less farting, more Lysol.”

Jack laughed and shook his head. “This is why I don’t live with girls.”

“That, and your Ma kicked you out and said you had to be a grown up,” his friend shot back. “You stayin’ for dinner?”

“Nah,” Jack said, checking his watch and pushing himself up to stand. “I got a show tonight. Should probably head back over the bridge.”

“I’d bring the kid to the show but …”

“The cussing’s a bit much for a first grader?”

“Got it in one,” Race laughed as he touched the side of his nose. “Maybe the next one. Dinner Friday?” 

“That’s the plan. See ya then. I’ll see you soon, Smalls.”

Lena dropped her crayons and popped up to run over and hug him around his knees. “Bye, Mr. Jack. Break a foot!”

Jack grinned, not bothering to correct her. “Bye, kiddo. Be good, yeah?”

“Cross my heart!” she promised before skipping back over to her spot and continuing her drawing.

\--

When Sadie stepped out of NY Pres, she was more exhausted than she’d been in ages. Her clinical had run long, she’d left her dinner in the refrigerator and someone else had eaten it, and she couldn’t find her Metro Card. All in all, she wanted nothing more than to either throw a temper tantrum that could rival her daughter’s, or collapse into a bed and not get up again until she was Sadie Ellis, RN once more.

Instead, she fished her phone out of her pants pocket and texted Sarah. She was in Connecticut but promised that help was on the way and she should just stay put. Agreeing, she shot a long, curse-laden text to her brother and Race, promising to make it to up them if they could get Lena bathed and ready for bed.

Ten minutes later, Sadie was sitting on a bench and had a photo of Lena and Race with bubble bath beards and wide grins. She couldn’t help but chuckle, thinking that moving in with her brother and brother-in-law was probably one of the best things to ever happen to them. If only it wasn’t preceded by he worst thing to ever happen to them. 

Before the guilt could creep in, she heard a familiar voice. “I definitely wouldn’t be smiling if I were in your situation.”

Sadie looked up and saw David approaching, still in his suit from work. “Are you my knight in shining armor?” she asked with a small smile as she stood.

“I don’t know about that,” he answered, “but I’m your ticket home.”

“Sounds like a knight in shining armor to me,” Sadie replied. “I really appreciate you coming all the way down here. Were you still at work?”

David nodded. “I’ve got a big trial coming up. Figured I get some fresh air, stretch my legs and visit a friend for a second as a break. Maybe grab a pretzel on the way back.”

“Doesn’t sound like a very nutritious dinner,” she commented, taking the extra Metro Card he was holding out for her. “Thanks. You should get something of a little more substance to eat. Plus it’ll help you concentrate better. Some pasta may be the difference between a big win and a … not so great outcome for your big trial.”

David laughed and rubbed at the back of his neck. “Maybe,” he agreed. “But I don’t really have time to wait at a restaurant or run home to cook.”

Sadie chuckled. “Then maybe GrubHub or DoorDash,” she said with a smile. Her phone buzzed and she pulled it out to see a picture of a grumpy Lena and a wide-eyed Race, followed by a quick text of _someone wants a story about her daddy tonight and mine are apparently boring. almost here?_ Sadie turned the phone to David. “Looks like that’s my cue. When’s your trial start?”

“Monday,” he answered, shoving his hands back into his pockets.

“Let me run it by my brother and Race, but why don’t you come over for dinner Sunday? I’ll make the best pre-trial dinner you’ve ever had.” 

David thought about it for a long beat before nodding. “Sounds good, thanks. Can I bring anything?”

She shook her head. “Feel free to invite your sister or brother or, uh, someone else if you want. If not, just you.”

David smiled and reached out to squeeze her arm lightly. “I’ll see you Sunday.”

“See you then,” she agreed before typing a quick response and heading for the nearest subway station.

\--

“You need a day off.”

Sadie looked up from her book to see Sarah and Katherine standing above her with matching grins. “What’s a day off?” she asked as she tucked a piece of paper into the book and brought a hand up to shield her eyes. “Never heard of it.”

“It’s _Saturday_ ,” Katherine complained. “Even _I’m_ putting down my notebook and relaxing. Spot said last night that you haven’t had a break in weeks. And the day’s so nice we decided to go to that new specialty cupcake place in Clinton Hill, thought we’d swing by to see if you or the boys or all of you wanted in. Care to join?”

“I wish,” Sadie replied as she shook her head. I’m getting closer to finishing off my classes so I can get my certification and get back to work; I’m so close I can practically smell the antiseptic,” she added with a shrug. “I just want to get it over with and go back to normal. Or as normal as life’s going to be now.”

“You still need to take a few hours for yourself every once in a while. Spot said your in-laws have Lena Joy again?” Sarah questioned.

“Yeah, for the weekend. Making up for lost time. I think they think they’re showing her what life could be like if we lived with them instead of my brother,” she sighed. “Gave her a room of her own over there. And, I mean, it’s great. She loves them and spending time with them whenever she can.”

“Do you not get along with them?” Katherine asked curiously.

Sadie shrugged. “I’m not exactly who they expected their son to be with. At first they thought I was a phase, actually. They were absolutely convinced that he would dump me and not go into the Marines. Hand to God, I think they were happier with him enlisting than with him marrying me, and they were _furious_ when he told them he’d enlisted.” She paused, considering her next words. “But they got a beautiful granddaughter who looks just like her father out of it so they complain a little less,” she laughed.

“You _definitely_ need a break,” Sarah decided. “We should do dinner tomorrow night.”

Sarah’s suggestion made Sadie figure David hadn’t asked his sister to join him at the dinner she was cooking for him. She thought it might be rude to mention it, but she wanted to make sure her friends knew she wasn’t standing them up for no reason.

“I – uh, I actually have plans?” she said, though it came out as more of a question. When the other women didn’t respond, just continued looking at her, she shrugged. “I offered to make David dinner, both as a thank you for the rescue and to make sure he has a good meal before his big trial.”

“Cooking my brother dinner?” Sarah asked with a grin. “That’s really sweet.”

“It’s not – you’re more than welcome to come. You too, Katherine. Tony and Sean’ll be here. My brother’s really excited and Tony’s already promised not to critique my cooking too much.”

The two of them shared a look before sitting down at the table with her. “Maybe next time,” Katherine suggested. “David can get a little …”

“Neurotic,” Sarah interjected.

“… before a trial. The fewer people the better. Maybe you should kick Spot and Race out too,” Katherine concluded with a laugh. “Seriously, though, why don’t we set up a monthly dinner, just the three of us? I know the days and stuff will be fluid once you’re working again, but as long as we set aside one day …”

“That sounds great,” Sadie agreed easily. She’d had a great time when they’d gone on their spa day. “Whenever Jackson and Gretchen have Lena and I don’t have work – and neither of you have work, of course – then we should make it happen.”

“Then it’s a date,” Sarah agreed. “How much more do you have left?” she asked, nodding at Sadie’s textbook. 

“I’m finished early August,” she answered with a sigh. “Just a little less than a month to go. And then I have to start applying for jobs. I’m hoping New York Pres will take me. It’s where I’m doing my clinicals and they’re a Level I adult and Level II pediatric trauma center, and that’s where I’m most comfortable, so, y’know.”

“I’m sure you’ll get it,” Katherine said with a smile. “They’d be a fool not to hire you.” She paused. “Is that where your father-in-law is a surgeon?”

Sadie shook her head. “He’s at Mount Sinai, which I am avoiding at all costs,” she answered. “I don’t need him checking in on me all the time. Though I’m pretty sure he has privileges at Pres.”

“Hey, Jackson just called the apartment since you didn’t bring your phone out here with you,” Sean said as he approached the table. “Hey, ladies,” he said to Katherine and Sarah before turning his attention back to Sadie. “He said Lena isn’t feeling well and wants to come home. You want me to head over there and get her?”

Sighing, Sadie shook her head. “I’ll go. She gets a little particular when she’s sick. If you don’t mind, though, could you charge up my laptop? She’s going to want to watch _Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory_.”

“Wasn’t that _your_ sick movie?” he asked with a grin.

“My child has good taste.” She turned to Katherine and Sarah. “Danny _hated_ that movie. He said Gene Wilder gave him nightmares. And this from the man who actually liked the horrid Johnny Depp version.” 

“Dan was a little fucked up in his entertainment taste,” Sean said with a shrug. “Ant Man was his favorite Marvel character.”

“He always said Anthony Mackie should have played Ant Man. Don’t ask me why. I said it’s because he kind of looks like a bug.” 

Sean tossed his head back and laughed. “He used to text me and ask me if I thought he looked like Anthony Mackie. I pretended I had no idea who it was just so he would FaceTime me and freak out. I’m a good fucking brother.” 

Sadie laughed and leaned down to kiss her brother’s cheek. “The best. I’m going to call an Uber so I don’t have to try to wrestle a sick child onto a train or bus. Text me with what the best route should be so I don’t get shafted by the driver. I’ll see you girls later – maybe next Sunday for dinner,” she suggested before collecting her things and heading back to the apartment for her phone and purse.

\--

Once Lena was home and settled into bed with some juice and _Willy Wonka_ , Sadie pulled the door partially shut and headed out to the living room to collapse on the couch.

“Verdict?” Spot asked, taking his attention away from Netflix and giving it fully to his sister.

“I’m just gonna watch her for now,” she said. “Fever’s under a hundred and she’s not coughing or stuffy. I think it’s probably just a little bug. If she gets worse, I’ll call her pediatrician.”

Spot nodded and held out his beer to her. He smiled as she took a sip, grimaced and handed it back. “So, dinner tomorrow. Maybe we should let Race cook it. You look dead on your feet, kiddo.”

“I’m okay,” she denied, and Spot knew she was just trying to put on a brave face.

That was the thing about Sadie: no matter how beaten and battered she was, she would deny it and keep pushing. She felt like she had to hold everything together and if she let her guard down or showed any weakness, the world would crash down around her. She’d had to grow up way too fast and she took too much onto her shoulders when she was young and she’d never stopped.

And now she was a single mother who had to go back to school in order to do the job she’d been doing for years. 

“I know,” he said, rolling his eyes and knocking his shoulder into hers. “But maybe it would be nice if your brothers took care of you for once.”

“You’ve been taking care of me since Daniel was killed,” Sadie responded with a frown. “If anything, I haven’t been pulling my weight around here.” He rolled his eyes again, which made his sister snipe, “Keep doing that and your eyes are gonna stick.” 

“I didn’t believe that when Sharon said it and I don’t believe it when you do,” he shot back. “Seriously, Sadie. You need a break some time.”

“And I’ll get one, once I’m back to work and on a semi-regular schedule. It works really well. It doesn’t seem like it, but it does.”

“You don’t have to do all of this … this _stuff_ alone. I know you feel like you don’t wanna lean on us but we _want_ you to,” he swore. “We’re here for you, no matter what you need. In fact, I think Race actually _likes_ bath time. And he definitely likes bed time when that child of yours isn’t …”

“Acting like you?” she asked with a quiet chuckle. Sadie sighed and leaned down to rest her head on his shoulder. “I don’t want to make you guys wish you hadn’t let us move in.”

Spot shook his head and then rested his cheek on his sister’s hair. “I think I’d kick Race out before you,” he said with a little grin. “Little shit’s annoying as hell sometimes.”

“S’your husband you’re talkin’ about.”

Spot just shrugged his other shoulder. “Don’t make it any less true. You wanna take a nap in my room so you don’t disturb the munchkin?”

Sadie yawned and shook her head. “M’good. Whatcha watchin’?”

“ _Indiana Jones_. Race don’t let me watch it when he’s home ‘cause he don’t like it. Want me to change it?”

“Nah. Harrison Ford is always a good watch,” she said through another yawn.

Spot chuckled and twisted slightly to see his sister’s eyes shut. Grinning to himself, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders before settling back to watch his movie, hoping Sadie would be able to sleep for a while before his husband got home or his niece woke up and needed something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me on this one. Updates are few and far between but I promise I'm working on moving the plot along. :)


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